Archive for 2010
Classic Dear Abby
Posted by Amy Vansant in Humor Blogs Thursday, 30 December 2010 12:12 No Comments
Dear Dumbass…
Please tell me they make these up.
Funny Photo – Sign Malfunction
Posted by Amy Vansant in Humor Blogs Tuesday, 14 December 2010 13:41 2 Comments
So I was driving by a “Self Storage Plus” establishment, when it occurred to me that either the lights had malfunctioned, or the owner need some help… Unless of course he had actually opened up a spot where you can keep all your pent-up anger at yourself, which I imagine could be pretty cathartic for some. But I wouldn’t want to be the night guard.
Matchy-Matchy
Posted by Amy Vansant in Humor Blogs Tuesday, 30 November 2010 06:59 5 Comments
I am something of a tourist town expert. I grew up in Sea Isle City, New Jersey, which is a beach town down south near Cape May, far from The Situation and Snookie. (Though, I have to admit, by some horrible coincidence, my mother’s best friend growing up was named Snookie). I went to college in Williamsburg, Virginia (colonial tourism) and then went to grad school near St. Augustine, Florida (oldest city in the US/tourist town), and finally ended up in Annapolis, Maryland (colonial hot spot.) I think if I had just found the time to live in Boston for a little bit, I would have completed the colonial circuit and gotten the rare “Seen Chicks in Colonial Garb More than 100 Days in a Year” Girl Scout merit badge.
There are many standard “tourist traits” of which one could poke fun. Gawking, pointing, cameras, stupid questions, inappropriate attire… to pick on them would be like shooting poorly dressed fish in a handmade Colonial-period barrel.
There is only one trait that sends ice through my husband’s veins:
Couples in matching clothing.
At age two, matching outfits between siblings is precious, even if later it is cause for matricide once Mom shows it to the umpteenth boyfriend. Next, comes the obligatory family photo, with everyone in white – the framed one that always looks wildly dated the second you hang it. We have one hanging at our house that I swear gets bigger every year. I think it is approximate 6 feet tall and 4 feet wide now. In it, all in white, my family looks like a graduating nurse class.
The matching continues in High School at the prom, with a girl nailing down the color theme for her dress and demanding her date’s tie and cummerbund match. Proms are already pretty uncool in general. But, much like that young relationship, matching is really supposed to die there, following the emotionally scarring after-prom party where you were dumped for the senior with the great hair and moral ambiguities.
Couples dressing alike are all the rage in Korea and some other Eastern Asian cultures where public displays of affection are taboo. If dressing in matching outfits is the only way you can tell the world the person walking next to you has seen you naked, it can almost be forgiven. Here in America, where you can just suck someone’s face off in public any time you like, it is less forgivable.
Happy Turkey Day – Fun with GPS
Posted by Amy Vansant in Humor Blogs Thursday, 25 November 2010 06:30 6 Comments
My husband and I were having fun with our GPS-based “RunKeeper” app for the iPhone. You take your phone with you when you walk, hike or bike, and it shows you calories burned, miles walked, and, once you’re done and you’ve uploaded it, it can show you where you walked on a map at the RunKeeper.com web site. You can see our latest path as the red line below. (except for the poor girl who realized she was color blind when I posted my color blind story… you, my dear, note the gray line…
).
We thought it would be funny to walk in the path of my name, and see if it said “AMY” on our map when we got home. We bungled it terribly (we’ll try again). BUT like Jesus’ face on a piece of toast – a holiday miracle DID appear!
TA DA! Happy Thanksgiving!
The New Chinese Throwing Screwdrivers
Posted by Amy Vansant in Humor Blogs, Literary Humor Wednesday, 17 November 2010 08:27 2 Comments
As you know, here at Ninja Throwing Technologies, we scored quite a hit last year with our Chinese Throwing Moons. No one can deny that Ninja weapon innovation had crawled to a standstill over the last hundred years. Stars, swords, knives – we had become stagnant; resting on our laurels. But now, thanks to our visionary new leadership, our Chinese Throwing Moons have lead to a host of other successes, including the Chinese Throwing Clover and most recently, the Chinese Throwing Horseshoe.
But I am here today to tell you that the geniuses in Research and Development, the brilliant minds who brought you the Chinese Throwing Origami Airplane, have taken us to an entirely new level of Chinese Throwing weaponry.
Today, I would like to introduce to you: The Chinese Throwing Screwdriver.
I can see by your faces that you are as excited about this new innovation as I am. Clearly, this invention opens the door to an unlimited number of companion Throwing Tools, and I can share with you today that the Chinese Throwing Hammer and the Chinese Throwing Needle-nose Pliers are only two months from production.








