Or as my bother-in-law likes to call it, “Happy fun time guy meets new friends with a bolt pistol.”
My bother-in-law, Gary, called the other night to describe a movie he couldn’t remember to my husband (his brother) Mike. Mike couldn’t figure out what he was talking about, so he handed me the phone.
Me: You’re trying to remember the name of a movie?
Gary: Yeah. So, it was like 4-5 years ago. There’s this guy, he’s in prison I think, and then he gets out and starts killing all these people. And he’s got a flame thrower.
Me: A flame thrower?
Gary: Yeah, and he just starts killing all these people.
Me: With a flame thrower? Seems like a conspicuous way to kill people. I’m not a detective or anything, but…
Gary: I don’t think he always uses it.
Me: Is he like a bad guy or a good guy seeking vengeance on the bad guys who killed his family or something?
Gary: I don’t know… I couldn’t decide if I liked him or not.
Me: Wait… not a flamethrower… you mean like a pneumatic bolt shooter thingy? Are you thinking No Country for Old Men? The ‘friendo’ dude?
Gary: YES! That’s it! Thank you!
Me: Wait, you couldn’t decide if you liked him?
Gary: Yeah.
Me: He was psychotic killer who killed everyone in the movie, including innocent people not involved in the plot at all.
Gary: Yeah that guy.
Me: He flipped a coin to decide whether he’d kill a random convenience store clerk.
Gary: (getting excited) Yeah, yeah!
Me: AND YOU COULDN’T DECIDE IF HE WAS A GOOD GUY OR A BAD GUY?
Gary: …
Me: …
Gary: Anyway, cool, thanks!
(he hangs up)
Me: (to Mike) Your brother couldn’t decide if the psycho in No Country for Old Men was a good guy or a bad guy.
Mike: Hmm.
Me: He’s not allowed to watch the dog anymore.
Mike: Fair enough.
PS: Getting this question a lot – “Bother-in-law” is on purpose, not a typo. 
been there before hahahaha
Hilarious, Amy!… Thanks for the laugh this morning!
At least he gave the clerk a 50/50 chance? MORAL AMBIGUITY.
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HA! Does he have enough hair to get that hairdo? If he shows up at your door with a villainous mop top – you know what his decision was on that character.
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Whew, good point – no he doesn’t. I’m safe!
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Ahaha! His poor, poor wife…
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Good call on the dog-sitting. Sorry to say that I know people like that…they are not allowed to watch my cats.
Well I KNOW cats are psychopaths, so I’m not sure who wins that one…
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Speaking of heroes, that Buffalo Bill guy from Silence of the Lambs was also a real likable guy wasn’t he?
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Oh god I just had a flash of my bother-in-law doing a tuck back dance in front of a mirror.
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I guess I can’t judge. I still root for Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.
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Shit. So do I.
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LOL. Love that.
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Hahahaha. Our lives are so parallel
about a year ago:
my sister in law (she’s blonde): what was that thing you wrote?
me: I write lots of things.
her: about people who are weird and they’re weird.
me: that’s everything i write.
her: the girl’s gay and the boy’s dumb like you.
me: right now it’s called crazy robot stories.
her: yeah, well i read it.
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I think “Bother-in-law” is my new favorite title.
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Good call on not letting him watch the dog anymore. That sounds like someone really “identifying” with Christian Bale’s character in American Psycho.
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