Email This Post HomeHumorIs Your Life Becoming a Decorative Nutsack? Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 Humor 28 Comments I was standing at my kitchen sink, when I looked up and noticed this… I dunno… bondage ball? Morton’s Fisherman nutsack? hanging from the pass-through. I have no idea what this thing is, and yet it has literally been hanging in front of my face for years. “What the hell is this thing, anyway?” I asked Mike. “I don’t know,” he said. “Is it a Christmas ornament we’ve inexplicably hung from the pass?” “The pass?” Mike repeated. He sighed. “We watch too many cooking shows.” I agreed. “But what is this thing, ya donkey?” Mike turned his attention back to the mystery ball. He shrugged. “I guess it’s just a decoration.” I wanted to expound on how silly it was, but just then I couldn’t wrap my mind around why we would buy something so stupid. I was too busy wondering: How many other things have I have become so accustom to, that I don’t even see them anymore? Well, sure, the dust behind the bathroom door, but what else? What about in life in general? Have I been in my current profession so long that I just can’t imagine not doing it anymore? Are we traveling enough? Should we move? Take up clogging? Are there things that could be better? Am I neglecting something? So this weekend, if you do nothing else, ask yourself this question: What aren’t you seeing? Has your life become a decorative nutsack? About Latest Posts Amy VansantAmy Vansant is a USA Today and Wall Street Journal Best-Selling author specializing in fun, funny fiction --- even the murder mysteries. Latest posts by Amy Vansant (see all) Reptile Housewives of Jupiter, Giveaway and Book Deals - June 20, 2019 JupUp? Turtles, crabs and birds (oh my) in Jupiter Florida, Giveaway and Book Deals - June 15, 2019 Local Ebay is a Nightmare, Book Giveaway – Steals & Deals - June 2, 2019 28 Responses Timothy Sayles June 28, 2013 Hah! Hilarious, Amy…. I can say with absolute certainty that, in all my years, I have never once heard or read the phrase “decorative nutsack.” And, on balance, I suppose that’s a good thing. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 Yeah, this post is mostly to be sure I corner the google search market on “decorative nutsack.” 🙂 0 likes Reply Timothy Sayles June 28, 2013 Dibs on “decorativenutsack.org”! 0 likes Deb June 28, 2013 I. loved. this!!! Sometimes we get so complacent with our lives, our surroundings, happenings, etc., that we DO neglect the obvious. I would definitely notice the fisherman’s nutsack though… yes, for sure. 😉 0 likes Reply Deb June 28, 2013 P.S. I LOVE the way you decorated your home! We rent condos in PTown that look similar to your design. LOVE! 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 Why thank you! I always feel weird when parts of my house get into photos! 0 likes Reply Lance June 28, 2013 I’m going to go out on a weird limb and say y’all had a really alternative birthday party and the piñata was ignored after a few hits of the vodkavaoptini deal. 0 likes Reply Bluzdude June 28, 2013 It’s a new ‘thing’… People are breaking into homes and prank-decorating. 0 likes Reply Tiffany N. York June 28, 2013 It reminds me of some version of a dreamcatcher. Maybe you thought it would ward off evil spirits. Perhaps it’s a rustic disco ball? I looked around my house for what I wasn’t “seeing” anymore and was neglecting, and I realized, “Holy crap! I’m married and have a husband!” (just kidding) 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 I did the same thing! That crap really sneaks up on you. God… I hope there isn’t a kid around here I forgot… 0 likes Reply cj June 28, 2013 I love this damn post, Amy. First, the clogging is a must. Don’t be silly. Tammy and I began questioning just about everything about 2008 or so and it led to our blog and a freakin’ book. We aren’t done because we do so many asinine things that need to be questioned, but we sure don’t feel as much like nutsacks as we used to. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 Which reminds me – although you guys may be a tad too healthy for me, I’d really like to read your book. Need to get on that! 1 likes Reply cj June 28, 2013 Thanks for reply, Amy. We aren’t Paleo or vegan or even vegetarian so, you may have overestimated our attention to health! And we like our drinkies to boot. Also, if you decide to put yourself through our book, you will be recognized for your great strength and willpower! 0 likes Jbhubert June 28, 2013 Wait! Wait!…I know this one! My mother had several of these around when I was a kid. She always said that they were used by Asian fishermen, were tied onto their fishing nets to make the net float on the surface….or at least that’s what the guy at the antique shop told her, before selling her three. (Btw, my mom never fished, and I don’t think she really ever knew many Asians, either.) 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 That’s what my mom said too. (And my father is a retired lobsterman, (which sounds like an f’d up superhero), so it’s probably right. Someone else said witch ball, which seems to be as well, and then the ropes sort of turn it into a bouy… 0 likes Reply Tammy R June 28, 2013 Amy, I think this is a beautiful message and profound question. Really, what are we missing? I know we will be pondering this on our weekend because we love talking about things like this on our walks. Oh, and we have to glass “somethings” hanging in our guest room. Why? There were eight or ten small hooks in the ceiling in the picture window when we bought the place. We just decided to buy things to fill them up instead of leaving them or pulling them out, filling them in, and painting. If you want, we can send them to you,so your nutsack has friends. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 28, 2013 I’m a little afraid they’ll breed… 0 likes Reply Tammy R June 28, 2013 Yes, they might breed. I meant, I have “two” of them. I am homophonically challenged! I think I have two girls, and yours does look like a boy…I’ll keep them here just to be safe. 0 likes Amy Vansant June 29, 2013 I type things phonetically all the time. It’s getting kind of embarrassing. Especially when I type “of” as “ov.” 0 likes Cristina Sierra June 28, 2013 Amy, I get it but as someone who lives like a spartan with minimal clutter, I’ll share the downside: living in the South, anytime someone walks into my “minimalist” abode, they’re first comment is “so, did you just move in?” (this is after living here for 7 years)… 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant June 29, 2013 I lived like that, but Mike is a decorator. So now it looks like an actual adult lives here. 0 likes Reply meleah rebeccah July 1, 2013 this is seriously funny – because after reading this – I am totally seeing things in my house I’ve never seen before. 0 likes Reply Cheryl July 1, 2013 There’s plenty I’m not seeing, but at my house that’s usually a good thing, because instead of decorative nutsacks, I have wads of electrical cords and cat hair. 0 likes Reply Amy Vansant July 2, 2013 I wouldn’t need to see cat hair – I’m allergic. If nutsacks made me sneeze… well… I think I’ll just drop that sentence there. I’m not sure it’s going where I intended. 0 likes Reply Banana Stickers July 4, 2013 “What aren’t you seeing” This is such a brilliant question. One that I mush chew on immediately. Though it has occured to me now that my life is sorely lacking in decorative nutsacks. 0 likes Reply Kate Raynes July 5, 2013 Words to live by… 0 likes Reply DJ July 8, 2013 I always have a goal to have a new area re-organized and tidied before the cleaning person comes the next time (which actually turns out to happen about every third time, but hey, any progress is progress). Sometimes I find myself wondering, “Hey, there’s a shelf here? And who the heck stuck all this crap on it? Where did this stuff come from?” 0 likes Reply Damien July 18, 2013 I actually walked around my flat after reading this post and realized that I hang clothing high up now. By ‘clothing,’ I mean towels, shirts, shorts, blankets, and trousers I mean to use again soon. I have a cat who must suffer from stress-related Alopecia, because if you so much as look at her wrong, a whole batch of fur comes flying off. My flat is covered in cat fur! So I guess I have gotten used to throwing a T-shirt or towel over top a door,instead of on the back of a chair or on my bed. So if you ever come visit, bring a pack of Swiffer cloths! And bourbon. 0 likes Reply Leave a Reply Cancel Reply Your email address will not be published.CommentName* Email* Website Add me to Amy Vansant's Humor Newsletter!